One Heavy Load

At one moment, I am in a state of so much emotional baggage right now. I wouldn't want to burden anyone listening to this especially the ones who are having bad days. So if you're having one, by all means, please stop reading. Although I wonder how many of my few loyal readers who would want to listen to me in this state. This is a personal blog after all, right?  But it wouldn't change how much I just want to be heard.

The past few posts, you may have heard me complaining how much I couldn't get over about my extended stay here, complains about the cold weather, the snow, the rain, how much I've missed a lot of school and blogger work, my plans, and most of all, how much I want to go home. Now I've realized, most of these things are just about me and the little things that don't matter much. Although I may seem such a very happy person, so lucky to be a blogger blessed with so many things in life and showered with so many readers around the world, being able to enroll in the course that I wanted to be, having a ton of clothes, shoes, accessories, being confident and independent at a very young age, having the chance to travel and live in the country where most people wanna to go to- a lot of times, I feel miles away from all the happiness. I've made a ton of sacrifices to get to where I am but I couldn't really say for now that I'm already in that place- I'm still on my way. But I do all these hardwork and sacrifices because I have plans on helping my Mom and Dad and basically doing my duties as the eldest in the family, and time matters so much to me. I feel like most people think that I'm being so selfish in doing all these things that I do and I just can't think of any reason to agree at a point because they don't know that these plans aren't just for myself. (I hope you get the point)

Although very few people see the good in the things I do, IRONICALLY RIGHT NOW, I DO FEEL A LITTLE SELFISH. Selfish in a way that here I am, at one of the coldest and rainy places on earth and in America, waiting for my papers to be finally done just so I can go home. Complaining at little things that at some point didn't even caused me too much suffering that I really deserve as much as my Momii (my Grandma, Lola and Ama). Last night, my Momii caught an accident that instantly changed how much I've usually planned and seen things in a more mature way. I wouldn't want to state here in detail how bad it got her but the fact that it happened to her pained me soooo much that it made me want to escape this cold place the moment I read my sister's sms at dawn. And few minutes ago, I saw her condition via Skype at the hospital and it just hurts me more seeing her in the condition that she never deserves. She's getting old and she does deserve all the love and happiness in life especially at her age because I know she have been through a lot being an early superwoman raising her three kids. Though I wanted to watch and take care of her at the hospital so bad right now, all I could ever do for now is pray. I know He has reasons for this but it's just really hard for now (in a way without doubt).

To everyone who cares, I hope you can light some candles and say a little prayer for the fast recovery of my Momii. Pray that her body doesn't give up especially the parts that have been hit hard, that God stays with her all through out, she stays strong and hopeful, and that things like this will never happen to her again. Thank you.

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